Alexis Young
Staff Writer
In today’s society, we are constantly told to be nice. In the Disney classic “Bambi”, Thumper’s mother scolded him with the line ‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.’ While this is all well and good in most circumstances, it cannot apply to all because sometimes being ‘nice’ does more harm than good.
Please do not get me wrong, this is not to say that we should be outright mean and malicious to one another. However, the sugar coating, the delicate phrasing, the way we become a martyr to our own needs and desires just for the sake of others’ feelings is no way to go about living life, and we should not expect to be treated this way in return.
Yes, perhaps this way of treating others seems to ward off conflict for long stretches of time.
However, is conflict always a bad thing? In my personal experience, schisms covered up in order to avoid conflict lead to emotions bottled so tightly that they explode over time, causing a far greater fight than what would have occurred if the issue had been addressed earlier.
We have all made the same excuses. “It’s no big deal.” “I can deal with this.” “They’re so happy. I don’t want to upset them.” “They’re so sad. I don’t want to bring them down any more.” “I don’t want to rock the boat.”
The fact is, boats were designed to withstand the weather; they were designed to rock. Likewise, with any relationship, if it is meant to last, it will be able to endure the occasional constructive criticism, the harsh truth and the honest opinion of a friend who truly cares and wants to make amends.
How can we expect the issues we face in our relationships to ever be resolved if we never address them, other than when we finally explode because we can no longer take anymore? In these instances, neither side is truly listening to what the other is saying, and the words’ intent is clouded by emotion.
If we took time to be honest with each other rather than hiding behind our shield of ‘niceness,’ we would soon see that honesty does not have to be harsh and cold. Honesty can be expressed with love and kindness.
Being honest with each other about different issues that arise will not only help our own lives and relationships but will also help others to grow and mature as they become more aware of their own character flaws. These open, honest and often hard discussions help us come to an awareness of ourselves and of the different view points in the world around us.
Without being honest with those around us, we are forcing them to live in a lie. A lie that they know nothing about because they are being deceived into believing that everything is fine.
youngam13@bonaventure.edu
